


a song that's sung, but heard by few

by alittlerayofphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Couch Cuddles, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mario Kart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 19:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17834567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlerayofphil/pseuds/alittlerayofphil





	a song that's sung, but heard by few

Eyelids peeled to stare at the cold depth of a taunting white ceiling, the lack of warmth against the expanse of Dan’s skin felt strange. He stared at the swirling white, watching as it boasted, and hugged itself and felt so  _ like itself _ . Dan’s brown eyes glossed over as he glared, disgruntled at the stupid fucking ceiling, so full of itself. Dan gnawed at his bottom lip, already chapped and distressed from the aimless chewing from the days previous.

His mind spiraled.

He felt cold, and the air from the cracked window, Phil had insisted they kept cracked, froze his exposed skin. He bent slightly to pull the grey duvet over himself, and tuck it under every single feature and body part he could find. Maybe that’s what he was,  _ grey. _ In a spot he didn’t truly know where to be sat, he wasn’t really happy with himself, or maybe he just forgot how to feel that way, but he felt almost angry for not feeling correct, for not being in control of himself. Dan tossed himself over, still under the comforting weight, and warmth of the duvet and burying his face into the navy blue pillowcase. He peeked his eyes open briefly to the side of his and Phil’s bed to where Phil would normally lay right by him. 

He heard footsteps instead, a small clanking noise of what must have been two ceramic mugs, and more footsteps. Dan closed his eyes again rather than dwelling on whatever the hell Phil was getting up to. He sucked in a deep gust of air before breathing it right back out. He tugged his hand up towards his face and pressed on his eyelids, making a few of those funky looking neon spots appear. He kept his eyes closed and tugged his hands away from making those neon spots.

He reached out and tugged for Phil’s pillow, cuddling it and breathing in deep the smell of  _ Phil.  _ He wrapped his arms right around it, breathing it in,  _ I should feel happy,  _ he scolded himself internally. He whined at himself, curling into Phil’s pillow,  _ Why can’t I be fucking happy?  _

_ I just need Phil, then I’ll be better,  _ Dan inwardly reasoned with himself,  _ I have to be better. _

Dan breathed in again, a simple comfort of smelling his boyfriend, it didn’t heal him, and sure as hell didn’t make him feel better, but it made him feel more like himself. Like Dan Howell, the partner and best friend of Phil Lester. It was like fitting another piece into a shattered jigsaw puzzle, one where you had just worked out the edge, yet still managed to fit a few pieces in the center, it wasn’t connected but it was getting much closer to where Dan felt he should be.

Dan took another deep breath before trying to sleep again, but falling short when he heard a few footsteps outside his and Phil’s bedroom door, which was followed by a small creaking noise and more soft footsteps of a mismatch-socked Phil. Dan kept cuddling Phil’s pillow, before Phil came and put his knee on the edge of the bed, leaning over Dan’s warm body and kissing his temple.

“Good morning, my love,” Phil whispered and peppered the side of Dan’s face with kisses, in the way he had done most mornings since they had first shared a bed. Dan groaned, but leaned into Phil’s kisses nonetheless. Phil adjusted himself so he sat on the edge of the bed facing Dan and raised a hand to tangle his fingers through Dan’s curls gently. Dan sighed and dropped Phil’s pillow so he could wrap his arms around Phil’s stomach. He buried his face in Phil’s black Papyrus t-shirt and breathed in again, he smelled like their body wash, the one Dan had asked for despite it being a few pounds more than what Phil wanted to buy. Dan remembered it well, and Phil’s joke about being his sugar daddy. 

It felt nice to think back on good moments, to smile at the thought of Phil coddling him. Dan wanted to cuddle, and just watch Phil play something until he felt better. Dan expressed those thoughts quietly into Phil’s stomach.

Phil tugged gently on Dan’s curls pulling his face from his own stomach. “I didn’t catch any of that,” Dan huffed.

“I want to cuddle and watch you play a game,” Dan said quietly, Phil smiled at his boyfriend. 

“Are you not feeling well today?” Phil asked softly, receiving a small nod from the one cuddled into him, “Okay.” He said softly and began to pull Dan up. Dan let himself get pulled up, which exposed his only boxered body to the cold room. “Do you want me to find your sweatpants?” Dan shook his head.

“Blanket,” he whispered, remembering the ‘pimp blanket,’ as Phil had so fondly called it, being out in the lounge. “and cuddles.” Phil laughed a little, but stood anyway, hoisting Dan up to his feet. 

“I have coffee for you in the kitchen, then we can cuddle upstairs,” Dan smiled, leaning on Phil, who had paused outside the en-suite bathroom. “Go use the bathroom, darling.”

“M’kay,” Dan mumbled distractedly walking into the bathroom and leaving the door open before he tugged down his boxers and relieved himself. Phil stepped in and looked at himself in the mirror running his fingers through his own hair as Dan finished up. Dan flushed and stepped towards Phil, pushing him a bit so he could wash his hands. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s torso and leaned in to kiss up the side of his neck.

“I love you very much,” Phil whispered between kisses, “and I know you don’t feel that great, but I want you to remember just how much I love you.”

Dan turned and pressed his chest to Phil’s and buried himself in Phil’s neck. Phil planted a few kisses to his curls, dragging his hand up and down Dan’s back.

“I love you,” Dan sighed leaning into Phil’s warm chest even more, “Coffee.” Phil laughed and grabbed the sides of Dan’s face gently to tug his face up so Phil could plant a kiss to his chapped lips, and another, and another, until a small grin broke its way across Dan’s face.

“And Mariokart?” Phil asked, receiving a small nod from Dan.

“Mmkay,” Phil whispered, kissing the top of Dan’s head and dragging him to the kitchen so he could hand him his coffee, taking a second mug for himself. Dan held the warm cup against his hands and breathed in the all familiar morning scent. “You want me to make you some breakfast?” Phil said gently, quietly.

Dan looked down at the coffee and then back up to meet Phil’s eyes, “Maybe later,” he whispered,  _ When I feel better.  _

“Okay,” Phil said and pushed Dan slightly leading him up the stairs. Heavy footsteps slowly stepped each stair until they made their way into the lounge. Phil grabbed the coffee mug from Dan’s hand and sat it on the coffee table before Dan sat down toward the center of the couch. Phil set down his own mug and walked across the lounge to the telly.

“Switch or Wii?” Phil asked gently, turning his head back to Dan. 

“Switch,” Dan mumbled, “s’easier.” Phil grinned and turned back putting the Switch on its dock and grabbing two JoyCons so he could hand one to Dan. Phil walked back over and handed Dan the grey one, leaving himself with the blue one. Phil plopped down on the couch next to Dan, immediately feeling the warmth of Dan cuddling up to his side. Dan twisted and moved a bit before settling into Phil’s side.

“Comfy?” Phil asked, listening to the Mariokart music booting up. Dan nodded subtly, leaning his head further into Phil’s shoulder. Phil laughed and planted a kiss to the top of Dan’s head. “I am gonna whip your ass at Mariokart.”

“Noo,” Dan fake-whined, “I’m gonna win, it’s the rules.”

“There aren’t rules to Mariokart, my love.”

“Yes there are, I get to win,” Dan whispered selecting Inkling Girl to play, while Phil muddled around for a bit before ending up picking Light Blue Yoshi.

“Unless we get Cloudtop Cruise?” Phil asked as he put random down for the courses, along with four races.

“Unless we get Cloudtop Cruise.”

Dan came in first every race, except for the third when they ultimately received Cloudtop Cruise, to Phil’s joy, and Dan’s small disgruntled sigh. As they ended, Dan turned and cuddled himself more into Phil, burying his face deep into the black cotton t-shirt on Phil’s torso.

“Cuddle time?” Phil asked, already turning himself slightly, so Dan could lay himself more comfortably on top of Phil’s body. Dan hummed an agreement and closed his eyes, burrowing deep into Phil’s chest. Phil tugged the grey pimp blanket over Dan’s body and smiled as Dan let out a sigh.

“Thanks,” Dan whispered, already slightly out. Phil pushed his fingers gently through Dan’s curly mop of hair. “For making me feel a little bit more like me.”

“Always, my love,” Phil said, now pulling Dan a little farther up, leaving them chest to chest, with Dan’s gentle breaths swiping against Phil’s neck. “You’re my favorite.”

“Mine too,” Dan hummed gently, before snuggling in once more, and finally sleeping against his lovely boyfriend.


End file.
